Anyway the Wind Blows

I realize tonight that I’m leaving in a very few weeks and am not feeling ready. But then again I get spouts of joy on some days when I think about taking a walk in the streets of my beautiful Quebec, waving and saying hi to all the people I know and cross in the street, or sitting by the fire-stove in my mom's beautiful old house with the smell of onions frying in butter enveloping me. I don’t know, I’m confused. Last week I felt I was ready to go when early May would arrive, but now I’m feeling a lump in my throat every time I think about it. I guess its inevitable, I am to feel like this at one point or another. I’ve always been one to reminisce easily, and I’ve tried to learn to control the negative aspect of that here, and I do think I’m better at it. But I also think being a reminiscent kind of person is a wonderful thing. I feel much love and affection for people, animals, moments, times and places that I encounter in my life, and I like being like that. It makes your spectrum of feeling much broader, and therefor your experiences more fulfilling, if you're able to grasp something new and changing. The difficult side of it can also feel like a positive thing if you decide to. It does make me feel stronger after i've been through it. Sometimes you can't see it while it's happening, but when looking back, it's so clear. Sometimes life is like a constant session of kicking yourself in the ass. My reflexes have changed a bit. It just makes me determined to come back, rather than cry on and be sad. Don’t get me wrong, I am sad, and I will cry, but I can grasp myself a bit more now, and start thinking clearer sooner. Life is full of obstacles, and depending on what you decide to live and go through, those obstacles will vary in size, life will offer certain obstacles to some people that others wouldn’t be able to bear. Or sometimes you can at one point bear obstacles that you yourself wouldn’t have been able to bear before. As my life moves, I find myself being able to tolerate more, and ready to take on more. Its not always easy, and sometimes I wonder if I don’t push myself a little much, but then I realize that no, I love what I live, and really, I haven’t even begun to push myself compared to what others are forcibly pushed to. I think I have it easy even when I strip myself of most of my little comforts. I wouldn’t DARE complain after meeting certain people, how snob and petty and selfish of me it would be. I just hate missing people. I’m a very affectionate person, and become very close to the people that are dear to me. But its inevitable as life moves on as there are those people everywhere, scattered all over this world like specks of sand, and the wind will always scatter all of them to different places. We have to learn to miss people healthily, and hope the wind blows us in the same direction eventually...

J'arrive chere lune

Ca fait dix jours que je n'ai rien ecrit. On dirait des fois qu'il ne se passe rien a l'interieur de moi qui vaille la peine d'ecrire. C'est surement faux, c'est surement juste que je suis devenu soudainement paresseuse ici. Je n'sais plus. Aujourd'hui, il fait super beau dehors, gros soleil, pas trop chaud, petite brise bien tiede, mais je suis d'un humeur de chien. J'ai ete malade dernierement et aujourd'hui je vais vraiment beaucoup mieux, alors pourquoi je suis comme ca? Tout me tappe sur les nerfs, je suis hyper impatiente, je trouve tout le monde stupide (et s'il y a bien une chose qui m'enerve, c'est la stupiditee!), je prends tout personel, je veut la paix, mais en meme temps je ne suis pas sur de vouloir etre seule... Meme Kunga me tappe royalement aujourd'hui. Le fait que la communication est limite par la langue peut etre tres fatiguant sur le cerveau a la longue. Les choses simples doivent etre repete maintes fois, et meme la : -"we are leaving Sunday" -"Ah? you are leaving sunday? " -"yes" -"ok, so tomorrow you don't go?" -"no, I just said we are leaving sunday." "Ah?"... Calis! I'm used to this, and my patience is normally sharp. I don't know whats with me. Aujourd'hui, j'ai hate d'etre rentre. J'ai hate d'etre avec ma copine favorite, Milena. J'ai tellement hate de te voir et de te parler, qu'on placotte et qu'on s'interompe mutuellement parce qu'on a trop de choses a se dire, autour d'un bon repas et une bonne bouteille (j'ai des p'tits cadeaux pour toi que j'ai bien hate de te remettre). J'ai hate de voir John et qu'on se fasse des soiree cinema en pyj avec plein de bouffe meme si on a pas faim, just manger pour le plaisir du bon gout, etre parreseux parce que c'est facile, et ecouter des bons films parce-que ca fait 12 fois que j'ecoute "The 7 Year Itch" et "Saraband", je connais meme les 2 premiers episodes de ROME par coeur. Get some Chaplin on roll please. Bien sur maman, j'ai tres hate de te voir , pour toutes les raisons evidente.

Dharamsala

I've been in Dharamsala for over a week now. Today is a beautiful sunny day with crisp fresh air but warm rays. Kunga left for Delhi a couple days ago, trying to find a way to book an airplane ticket without actually buying it, we may have found a contact... There are big protests here everyday and the people are extremely dedicated. I'm taking traditional Tibetan painting lessons with Tashi, one of Kunga's cousins who is an AMAZING artist. He paints tankas, buddhist paintings sown in silk frames. He studied for years with the Dalai Lama's official painter, so you can imagine. Apart from painting, we are also very dedicated to informing people about what is going on in Tibet, or with the Olympics, etc. Dozens of people were shot by Chinese army again in a small village in Kham the day before yesterday. Tashi is a very active guy in the cause, and as soon as something happens, he gets calls, and he takes care of writing bills, posting them distributing them, and sending them off to Delhi, the south and other parts of India. So I decided to help him out, sometimes the papers come back with awful translations, they need major cleaning up, so thats easy. Also, I don't know if people know this, but Coca-Cola is huge among the Tibetans, they consume alot of it, you can often see the monks lined up outside after a long puja, bottle in hand... Now, Coca-Cola is one of the major sponsors of the Olympics, and the Tibetans don't know this. So they are unknowingly sponsoring something they are protesting against. I try to inform restaurant managers and shop keepers when I notice Coca-Cola has exclusivity in their shops, but its not enough. So when I told Tashi and asked him to call the paper here to inform them, he also suggested we make a bill. So we went to the internet, looked up all the sponsors, and listed them and their logos along with a short note explainig peoples responsibility in the sponsorship. Lets hope we see real action and boycott of these products, especially the very addictive Coca-Cola. I think people will really check what they consume, this is so important to them. I have a painting lesson to go to now, and a protest to attend later. I'll post pics soon.