March On

I’m meeting Kunga and we are going up to Dharamsala, home of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. We’ve been planning on going for a while, and the time has finally come. This timing couldn’t be more perfect too, with all that’s going on in Tibet right now, I feel I need to be back with the Tibetans, especially Kunga I suppose, at least that’s what I want. I feel like I’m wandering around purposelessly right now… As I get closer to the camp, I see more and more Tibetans, scattered at first, but more concentrated as I get closer. Like slowly walking into the ocean, at first only the soles of your feet are wet, then your feet are covered up to the ankles, and every step you take covers you a little more until you are bathing. There is more red in my field of vision. Monks and lay-people are gathering. I’m in Bangalore right now and you can tell there’s a huge protest somewhere here today. As I approach the rickshaw stand, there’s a Tibetan woman speaking to her driver. You can see she probably hasn’t slept properly in nights. She looks tired and emotional, tears welling up in her eyes as she knows she’s approaching the march of her people. Who knows who from her friends and family are in Tibet right now, and she’s worried, sad, frightened and frustrated at the violence and her powerlessness to defend or soothe the ones she loves so much. I think the worst part of all is this feeling of helplessness amongst the people. They are patient and are gathering and marching peacefully, but that’s all they can do. Its very painful to see such a big bully beating up your culture, language, spirituality, architecture, environment, forests, animals, natural resources, humiliating and torturing you and your loved ones (all of this both physically and figuratively), while others watch and say nothing, or just say “you shouldn’t do that, it’s not right”, but give no consequences. Who will hold hands and walk with them? Proudly! If 1 country jumps in, maybe it’ll be easier for others to follow along.

You know, I feel a little scattered in my thoughts right now because there’s too much going on in there. Everyone is crying inside. It’s very hard to control. Kunga asks me “pleeeeaase Zita, you must use your control. I also want cry tooooo much, very difficult. But if I cry, maybe I become crazy”. He has his family there, his pride, culture, heart and love. I can’t imagine how he can control himself. I try to listen to him and control myself. I find myself a little selfish when I let myself go, it’s so much easier to just cry and wail. But I can’t put this extra on him. If he sees me cry, he really has trouble containing himself. He cried twice 2 days ago. It was just too much. They are having these meetings at night in the monasteries, all the monks, and some laypeople too, all together, hundreds and hundreds of people. It’s very quiet in there; you’d never know there were so many people if it wasn’t for the energy. They watch the news in silence and concentration, news from all over the world. Sometimes the news is in English, so Kunga is overwhelmed by demands of translation, which he can’t really give. The images are too difficult for some and you’ll hear a whimper every now and then. Everyone is sniffling. There is a long silence followed by the news, everyone is speechless. You can see sadness in everyone. But the elders are the saddest. They have grown up in a free Tibet, and know what’s it’s like. They’ve seen the degeneration from the beginning. Like a razor blade, poked deeply into the flesh at the ankle, and slooooowly slicing its way up the body to the head and back down again. They’ve watched it happen from the poke. They then discuss the situation seriously. They will pray together every night in the temple. Puja every day. But some stand up, a little tired of only praying. “Nothings gonna happen by just sitting here and praying, sure we can pray, but we also need to stand together and send a message!” Everyone agrees, its true you know. Who will hold hands and walk with them? Proudly! I WILL!!!